I've spent the last week trying to come up with something to say about my week as a counselor at Emerge Junior High Camp. There's about a thousand different things that happened that I could talk about but there was one specific thing that hit me today that I really want to say.
The week was really hard, especially the first few days. I really didn't know very many people and I hadn't been to Woodland Lakes since I was in middle school, so naturally a few things have changed since then. We'd lost two family group leaders before camp even started and I therefore didn't know half of my team until the day before so it was hard to find a dynamic with no prior bonding time. I'd never led a discussion before, and suddenly there I was, in a position where I had to lead discussions. On top of all this, I was very unsure as soon as I met the campers. I didn't know how to handle them. I told my girls at the end of the week that I was really intimidated the first time I met them, and they all giggled and said "Really?!?" They couldn't believe it, but it was true.
The whole week I had to rely on God for my strength, which is something I'd never had to do; at least not that much. I was constantly asking God to use me through my weaknesses and mistakes. I felt like a failure at least half of the time. The most glaring failure as I saw it was on Wednesday night when we had interactive worship. Interactive worship was basically a collection of 6 different stations each relating to themes of the week. We traveled around as a family group to each station before heading to family time where we were given the opportunity to discuss it. It went fairly well through most of the stations, but I was started to get worn out by the end.
The very last station we went to was one of my favorite concepts. On display were assorted items made out of old broken junk. There was a chair made out of old suitcases and a lamp made of a broken clarinet, among other similar things. The point of the station was to realize that we are all broken, but God can turn us into something beautiful that can be used for his purpose. They also left piles of old things on the ground for kids to pick up a couple items and turn them into something new.
Since we were there last, the items were mostly picked over. I started telling the students about the station, but ended up mostly just reading off my paper and not asking questions to let them sort of figure out the point themselves, which I was kicking myself for. Every question I tried to ask got no response. And the whole thing really just fell completely flat. The station was set up so that two family groups could be there at once, so while all this was going on there was another family group next to us. In the awkward silence that was dragging on in our group, I could hear the other group having lots of conversation, reading bible verses and making good comments. There were literal crickets coming from our end (the station happened to be outside). I felt absolutely terrible, and led our group away from the station early.
When I was praying that God would use me through my mistakes, what I actually wanted him to do was make me stop having mistakes so everything would go smoothly and really get to the kids. I didn't realize this was what I wanted, but it was. My intentions were pure, but my methods weren't quite right. Here's the thing; if you pray that God will use you through your mistakes, that means there will be mistakes. That wasn't something that had occurred to me, and it was none too pleasant to find out.
God may have answered my prayer. I like to think he did. I've heard that a lot of times when God uses people, they may never even find out about it. I did have good moments with my campers. Seeing them pull out notes they had taken during the sermon was always rewarding for me, especially when they had questions. Every once in a while I saw one of them step out and do something brave, which was cool to watch. The whole week was not as catastrophic as Wednesday night felt, or I probably wouldn't be missing it so much right now.
I hope that God used me in ways I don't know about. I trust that he did. But what hit me most is that God's methods are not the same as my own. His are harder and often not what I expect. But I have to trust that ultimately, his work better.
Ironic that the very thing that brought this realization on was a lesson about God using brokenness.
Lisa
Monday, July 6, 2015
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Insta-condemn
There's a recent image that's been trending around the internet lately and I'm sure you all know what it is, but for the purpose of this blog the exact topic doesn't even matter. I am sad and angry at reactions to controversial news in general, on both sides of the spectrum. It doesn't matter what the news is. Whether it's a true scandal or someone's honest human mistake, the world finds out about it almost immediately and they react just as quickly.
The Vanity Fair cover of Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner's new exterior surfaced less than 24 hours ago, and already there are three different trending news stories about it on Facebook. Countless articles and blogs have been written; some heavily positive, some heavily negative, very few bridging the gap between these two. The same happened when the controversy about the Duggars arose, or that thing with Miley Cyrus at the VMAs a few years ago. And, just like all the times before, once people expel how outraged they are (or express their support, as is happening in this case), they'll calm down, make a few tasteless memes about it, and then forget it.
However, before that happens people will put their opinions over any feelings of others in a supremely narcissistic urge to be heard and we therefore attempt to shout louder than anyone else, creating nothing more than a cacophony of voices in which none can clearly be heard. It's incredibly sad. We exploit the lives of celebrities because they are visible and seemingly untouchable and that makes them extremely easy targets for criticism. It makes it effortless to look around the log in our own eyes long enough to point and laugh at the speck in theirs.
I understand that by writing this post I am only perpetuating the exact thing I am protesting. I, too, have an opinion on the topic, and the world has taught me that I must speak it. Our opinions have become our religion. We work harder at explaining why things are wrong than working to right them. Even less do we realize that it is not our place to right others' wrongs. Another thing to point out is how little anyone can do to change anything in a situation on this large of a scale. A few thousand voices shouting a few thousand different things at once are not going to change the mind of a single person who does not know or respect any of us. The only thing it can possibly do is hurt them.
I am not going to tell you my opinion on Caitlyn Jenner today. That is not my purpose here. My purpose is to get us to think about the kind of image we are portraying, especially as Christians who are ambassadors of Christ on earth. Would we rather be known for our faith or for our opinions? Which one of those things is going to better represent Christ?
-Lisa
"We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother." - 1 John 4:19-21
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." - 1 Corinthians 13:1
The Vanity Fair cover of Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner's new exterior surfaced less than 24 hours ago, and already there are three different trending news stories about it on Facebook. Countless articles and blogs have been written; some heavily positive, some heavily negative, very few bridging the gap between these two. The same happened when the controversy about the Duggars arose, or that thing with Miley Cyrus at the VMAs a few years ago. And, just like all the times before, once people expel how outraged they are (or express their support, as is happening in this case), they'll calm down, make a few tasteless memes about it, and then forget it.
However, before that happens people will put their opinions over any feelings of others in a supremely narcissistic urge to be heard and we therefore attempt to shout louder than anyone else, creating nothing more than a cacophony of voices in which none can clearly be heard. It's incredibly sad. We exploit the lives of celebrities because they are visible and seemingly untouchable and that makes them extremely easy targets for criticism. It makes it effortless to look around the log in our own eyes long enough to point and laugh at the speck in theirs.
I understand that by writing this post I am only perpetuating the exact thing I am protesting. I, too, have an opinion on the topic, and the world has taught me that I must speak it. Our opinions have become our religion. We work harder at explaining why things are wrong than working to right them. Even less do we realize that it is not our place to right others' wrongs. Another thing to point out is how little anyone can do to change anything in a situation on this large of a scale. A few thousand voices shouting a few thousand different things at once are not going to change the mind of a single person who does not know or respect any of us. The only thing it can possibly do is hurt them.
I am not going to tell you my opinion on Caitlyn Jenner today. That is not my purpose here. My purpose is to get us to think about the kind of image we are portraying, especially as Christians who are ambassadors of Christ on earth. Would we rather be known for our faith or for our opinions? Which one of those things is going to better represent Christ?
-Lisa
"We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother." - 1 John 4:19-21
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." - 1 Corinthians 13:1
Saturday, May 9, 2015
A Year in Review
November-ish, 2013: While sitting in the kitchen doing homework, mom brought up the subject college (again) and I decided to attend Asbury University.
May 2014: I graduated high school.
August 12, 2014: I began New Student Orientation at Asbury.
May 7, 2015: I finished my last final of Freshman year and officially became a Sophomore.
This is the shortest possible overview of the last year or so of my life. It was probably the most change-filled year of my entire life and if you know me well, you'll know that change freaks me out. A lot. I don't even like it when my plans for the night change so moving away from home is a really big deal.
Last semester I tried to pretend I had it together. I was figuring things out, making friends, trying not to look as dumb as I felt. Toward the end of the semester, I even felt like I was sort of getting it together and starting to feel comfortable with my new place in life. I had friends, my grades were good, and I felt a little less homesick all the time like I did in late October-early November.
When Spring semester rolled around I had no idea how much harder things were going to become for a little while, and how much better that would eventually make my life. January was pretty rough. I was dealing with the consequences of mismanaging some of my funds, trying to figure out what made a friend a friend, and struggling to become my own person without worrying about what people thought of me.
But as I had no other choice, I sat through the awfulness of it all and I tried to let God's will influence my life. This semester I've seen more growth in my life than all of high school put together. I have made so many wonderful new friends, and learned so much about myself. I have learned what I want in a church body, and what I want in my friends, and what I want from myself. I have learned some of the ways I work best, and what I need to do to avoid procrastination, and I'm still working on how to not let Netflix auto-load the next episode when I should be studying.
I feel like the past nine months of being at school have been an entire lifetime, and yet also it seems like it's gone by way too fast. And next year I have so many things to look forward to that are exciting and terrifying, like being a TAG leader and directing Sophomore Musical and not being the new kid on the block anymore.
So that's my sappy overview of my first year of college. Basically I'm just really really excited I get three more years there.
Lisa
So that's my sappy overview of my first year of college. Basically I'm just really really excited I get three more years there.
Lisa
Monday, April 20, 2015
On Cultural Appropriation and Amandla Stenberg
A new video that has come to the forefront of media recently is the video Hunger Games star Amandla Stenberg did for Hype Hair Magazine called "Don't Cash Crop on my Cornrows." If you haven't seen the video yet, you can watch it here. The video speaks out about cultural appropriation that has been, if you excuse the pun, 'popping' up in pop culture recently. I realize that I am treading on shaky ground here, as cultural appropriation is not something that directly affects me, but I want to share my opinion on the topic.
First off, the definition of cultural appropriation according to Wikipedia is "the adoption of elements of one culture by members of a different cultural group, especially if the adoption is without the consent of the originating culture, and when the appropriating group has historically oppressed members of the originating culture." In simpler terms, that basically means when a group of people take things that are central to a culture and change them in ways that mock or degrade them, especially when the group adopting elements of the culture are seen as having higher privilege, or have oppressed the culture in the past.
For example, one form of cultural appropriation that people often point to is the professional football team called the Washington Redskins. There are those who argue that using a race of people as a mascot is morally wrong, takes empathy away from American Indians who have historically been grossly mistreated, and is a form of cultural appropriation. This is something I can see the argument behind and will admit is probably appropriation.
In the "Don't Cash Crop on my Cornrows" video, Stenberg eloquently describes the evolution of how white celebrities began engaging in rap, which had previously been dominated by black celebrities since it stemmed from blues/jazz, which originally stemmed from slave songs. She talks about how white rappers like Iggy Azalea and Macklemore have become mainstream rap artists. She goes on to discuss how some white artists have begun styling their hair with cornrows and even wearing grilles in their teeth. She mentions how people like Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus have used blacks as "props" in their music videos.
Right off the bat I want to say I do believe cultural appropriation is a thing and I do think it is a problem. I understand why Stenberg is unhappy with the amount of white celebrities who have used cornrows as a fashion statement when for people with black hair it is a way to keep it clean and untangled. I also understand why it bothers her when whites dress in styles that are known to be predominately black fashions for the sake of looking cool or edgy.
I myself was outraged when Kylie Jenner posed for a photoshoot in what is undeniably blackface. (blackface is when white people paint their skin black for costume, usually in theatre but in recent years the definition has expanded past that. It has happened throughout history and is highly disrespectful.) I, as an incredibly privileged straight white female, do accept that cultural appropriation is real and it's terrible.
However, I do not agree with everything Stenberg has to say. It does not seem to me that the adoption of the rap genre by white artists is appropriation in any way. Not to say it couldn't be. In the early history of rhythm and blues music/rock and roll, it was incredibly hard for black artists to become popular because of the rampant racism of the 50's and people's fear that listening to music from blacks would corrupt children and teenagers. Often, white artists would cover songs written by black artists. In this era, blacks were not getting enough recognition for their music. The tides only began to turn in 1962 when black artist Ray Charles did a cover of white artist Don Gibson's song "I Can't Stop Loving You" and it reached number one on the Billboard charts.
The problem when whites adopt black styles of music is when they take credit for it as their own and ignore the work put in by black artists. I agree that Iggy Azalea is terrible (as a rapper and as someone who participates in appropriation. See here. Also here. Oh and did I mention here.) and I think most of it is she's stealing the spotlight from black artists, while also stealing their culture.
In my choir, we are singing a song called "Ain't No Grave Can Hold My Body Down" and it's in the style of a gospel spiritual. Many of the words are intended to be said with the accent common to slave songs. There are words spelled "cain't" or "sistuh" and that's how they are supposed to be pronounced. It is a respectful homage to old slave spirituals and the gospel style that stemmed from it. Now, the majority of this choir is made up of caucasians. There are three black girls in the choir of over 70 people. Does that mean by singing the song we are appropriating black culture? No. We are being respectful and honoring a culture that's a big part of American history.
It should be the same with rap music. White artists creating rap music should not be appropriation; in fact I don't believe it is. As long as we don't lose the history behind the genre and the respect for those who created it. As long as we don't make white rappers more famous than the black ones simply because they're white.
So that's my long opinion that took about three days to write. I understand that this is just one opinion, but I decided to state it for the world. Because that's what the internet is for, right?
Lisa
First off, the definition of cultural appropriation according to Wikipedia is "the adoption of elements of one culture by members of a different cultural group, especially if the adoption is without the consent of the originating culture, and when the appropriating group has historically oppressed members of the originating culture." In simpler terms, that basically means when a group of people take things that are central to a culture and change them in ways that mock or degrade them, especially when the group adopting elements of the culture are seen as having higher privilege, or have oppressed the culture in the past.
For example, one form of cultural appropriation that people often point to is the professional football team called the Washington Redskins. There are those who argue that using a race of people as a mascot is morally wrong, takes empathy away from American Indians who have historically been grossly mistreated, and is a form of cultural appropriation. This is something I can see the argument behind and will admit is probably appropriation.
In the "Don't Cash Crop on my Cornrows" video, Stenberg eloquently describes the evolution of how white celebrities began engaging in rap, which had previously been dominated by black celebrities since it stemmed from blues/jazz, which originally stemmed from slave songs. She talks about how white rappers like Iggy Azalea and Macklemore have become mainstream rap artists. She goes on to discuss how some white artists have begun styling their hair with cornrows and even wearing grilles in their teeth. She mentions how people like Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus have used blacks as "props" in their music videos.
Right off the bat I want to say I do believe cultural appropriation is a thing and I do think it is a problem. I understand why Stenberg is unhappy with the amount of white celebrities who have used cornrows as a fashion statement when for people with black hair it is a way to keep it clean and untangled. I also understand why it bothers her when whites dress in styles that are known to be predominately black fashions for the sake of looking cool or edgy.
I myself was outraged when Kylie Jenner posed for a photoshoot in what is undeniably blackface. (blackface is when white people paint their skin black for costume, usually in theatre but in recent years the definition has expanded past that. It has happened throughout history and is highly disrespectful.) I, as an incredibly privileged straight white female, do accept that cultural appropriation is real and it's terrible.
However, I do not agree with everything Stenberg has to say. It does not seem to me that the adoption of the rap genre by white artists is appropriation in any way. Not to say it couldn't be. In the early history of rhythm and blues music/rock and roll, it was incredibly hard for black artists to become popular because of the rampant racism of the 50's and people's fear that listening to music from blacks would corrupt children and teenagers. Often, white artists would cover songs written by black artists. In this era, blacks were not getting enough recognition for their music. The tides only began to turn in 1962 when black artist Ray Charles did a cover of white artist Don Gibson's song "I Can't Stop Loving You" and it reached number one on the Billboard charts.
The problem when whites adopt black styles of music is when they take credit for it as their own and ignore the work put in by black artists. I agree that Iggy Azalea is terrible (as a rapper and as someone who participates in appropriation. See here. Also here. Oh and did I mention here.) and I think most of it is she's stealing the spotlight from black artists, while also stealing their culture.
In my choir, we are singing a song called "Ain't No Grave Can Hold My Body Down" and it's in the style of a gospel spiritual. Many of the words are intended to be said with the accent common to slave songs. There are words spelled "cain't" or "sistuh" and that's how they are supposed to be pronounced. It is a respectful homage to old slave spirituals and the gospel style that stemmed from it. Now, the majority of this choir is made up of caucasians. There are three black girls in the choir of over 70 people. Does that mean by singing the song we are appropriating black culture? No. We are being respectful and honoring a culture that's a big part of American history.
It should be the same with rap music. White artists creating rap music should not be appropriation; in fact I don't believe it is. As long as we don't lose the history behind the genre and the respect for those who created it. As long as we don't make white rappers more famous than the black ones simply because they're white.
So that's my long opinion that took about three days to write. I understand that this is just one opinion, but I decided to state it for the world. Because that's what the internet is for, right?
Lisa
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
What I Want for my Day Old Niece
Today I went to the mall to get a few new things I've been needing for a while. As I was trying them on to make sure they fit right, I looked in the mirror and noticed stretch marks that hadn't been there before and I sort of thought, "Well, the golden days are over." because it's just really easy to feel bad about your body. And then as I went to put on my pajamas, I noticed what it said on the bag they gave me at the store.
Then I started thinking about my little baby niece who has been in this world for about ten hours now. And I thought about how one day she will probably have feelings a lot like the ones I had today. I think about how loved she is already within hours of her birth by so many people, and how many people would give her the world if they had the power. Suddenly the only thing I wanted was to make sure that she would never have these kind of demeaning thoughts about herself. I want her to never see herself as anything less than created individually by God for a wonderful purpose.
Yet I know this is not realistic. I know that one day she will have negative thoughts about herself because everyone does. As much as we want to protect babies from the real world, it's never going to happen. So instead we have to equip them to know the truths about God so that they can interpret the world around them in a wise way.
I don't look like a model, and that's fine. Not many people do, really. And to expect that of yourself is ridiculous. What I want for this tiny baby is to grow up knowing and believing that she is created in the image of God and that whether or not her physical body fits with western culture's standard of beauty, I want her to know that who she is far outweighs what she looks like.
I can't force her to believe these things. But I hope and I pray that I can be secure in myself in order that I can be a positive role model for her. And I pray that others around her and the peers that will influence her will show her love and kindness and grace to help form her into a confident follower of Christ above all else.
-(Excited new aunt) Lisa
Monday, February 16, 2015
Snow-Formed Unity
A normal night in the dorm. Studying is being attempted with little success. Netflix is on in the background. But tonight there's a slight air of tension. There's been rumors floating around of a heavy snowfall overnight, bringing with it the age old question: "Snow day?"
However, as Asbury students we aren't holding our breath too much. We are known for never having snow days. And yet, there's enough of a chance, just enough that we're waiting. We're refreshing our emails every once in a while just in case.
Suddenly, screaming erupts on the hall. Either someone just got a boyfriend, or there's a snow day. Dear God please let there be a snow day. Two seconds later, I get the text.
"AU campus closed Monday, Feb. 16. Essential employees report to work."
And now you can hear screaming coming from not only the hall, but the hall above you, and the hall below you, and the lobby. So we hang out in the hall for a while and yell "WE HAVE A SNOW DAY" whenever someone walks up. At one point, a girl falls onto her knees out of relief.
So that's how my night went last night. Today was spent sledding, freezing my face off, watching people play ping pong in the Student Center, and watching Netflix. Then, 5:30 today another text goes out while practically the whole school is in the cafeteria.
"AU campus closed Tuesday, Feb. 17. Essential employees report to work."
I was walking outside the caf and I could hear the cheering loud and clear.
Days like this are so much fun. There's such a sense of community the snow has brought. People are sledding down hills on lunch trays and lids from plastic tubs. Making snow angels in the courtyard while girls watch from their windows. My friend from Florida was excited because it was her first snow day ever. It's just all around fun. Everyone is in a good mood, and it's a teeny bit like heaven on earth.
It's fun. I know it can't last forever, and I guess I don't want it to, but for two days it's pretty fantastic. It's made me feel like we've put aside some of our differences and united with this common ally of snow.
Thanks, Asbury, for letting us have a couple days like this.
Lisa
Thursday, January 29, 2015
The Everlasting Fear of the Unknown
I had this scary thought the other day. When you're growing up, you always feel like you're very mature and you have it all together, even when adults laugh to themselves and say "okay honey" and let you feel like you're right. But I have hit this point in life where I'm starting to realize that I really don't know anything. It's like all at once I realized that I have barely any life experience, and I have so much ahead of me that it seems never-ending.
In the moment when I realized this I suddenly had so many worries; both little worries and big ones. Little ones, like am I going to be able to pull off this presentation well? Am I ever going to figure out how to use this audio equipment? Will I do well on my bio exam on Friday? How in the world do you write a resume? And then big, huge, looming worries. Like will I be able to get a job that I want? Am I going to grow to be the person I want to be? Am I going to be able to keep up with all the challenges that scare me right now, like doing taxes or making doctors appointments or an endless list of other things? Because right now they seem overwhelming and I can't possibly imagine how people deal with them on a regular basis.
So when I have these worries, and I start to freak out about them, I remind myself of that post I wrote right before I started college. I remind myself of how terrified I was then that I wouldn't make friends or that everything would be too hard. And I can remind myself that I'm figuring all that stuff out. And yeah things are still hard and terrifying but there's no point in wasting my time being scared.
I've gotten through my whole life so far. There's a pretty good chance I'm going to get through this, too. I just have to stop thinking about everything at one time and take it one day at a time.
Off to make a million check lists so I can feel really great when I finish something and get to check it off the list,
Lisa
In the moment when I realized this I suddenly had so many worries; both little worries and big ones. Little ones, like am I going to be able to pull off this presentation well? Am I ever going to figure out how to use this audio equipment? Will I do well on my bio exam on Friday? How in the world do you write a resume? And then big, huge, looming worries. Like will I be able to get a job that I want? Am I going to grow to be the person I want to be? Am I going to be able to keep up with all the challenges that scare me right now, like doing taxes or making doctors appointments or an endless list of other things? Because right now they seem overwhelming and I can't possibly imagine how people deal with them on a regular basis.
So when I have these worries, and I start to freak out about them, I remind myself of that post I wrote right before I started college. I remind myself of how terrified I was then that I wouldn't make friends or that everything would be too hard. And I can remind myself that I'm figuring all that stuff out. And yeah things are still hard and terrifying but there's no point in wasting my time being scared.
I've gotten through my whole life so far. There's a pretty good chance I'm going to get through this, too. I just have to stop thinking about everything at one time and take it one day at a time.
Off to make a million check lists so I can feel really great when I finish something and get to check it off the list,
Lisa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)