A Game Plan for Fixing the Country

Every day getting on the Internet recently is like waiting on a phone call you don't want to get. I brace myself, waiting to see what atrocity happened today. Think about how many tragedies you've seen in the past week or so. How many are there? If you have to count them, it's too many. When did it get like that?

I used to be able to delude myself into comfort by saying it's not happening here. All the violence and terror was far away across the ocean. But it's not anymore. Has it ever been? Each breaking news story feels like the click of another empty chamber in Russian Roulette. When's the bullet going to fire? When is tragedy going to hit home? When will the hashtags say "Pray for Cincinnati?" I don't want to sit around and wait to find out. 

We need to do something. We need a game plan. Something that's not partisan or political or even religious. It doesn't matter who is right in this situation, because when innocent people get killed none of us are right. 

So what should we do? Well here's my easy, one-step fix: 

Love and invest in people.

That's all it takes. You don't have to work for an international relief organization. You don't have to donate your entire life savings to a cause. You just have to be kind to one another; genuinely and intentionally. With no agenda, no double standards, no fine print. We need to invest in people because they are people. 

I did lie a little bit there. It's not exactly easy. It's the simplest thing to do, but it's so hard. To invest in people we have to give up our time and our pride. We have to think less of ourselves and more of others. I don't know why that's so hard. I don't know why I have such a hard time putting aside my own stupid inflated ego to listen to someone else for a little while, or to help them out when they need something small. Helping people is never going to be convenient. So why do I think it should?

Oh and that other thing? It is one step, but it's not.  It's one step, over and over and over and over until you wonder why you even bother doing something so fruitless because clearly it isn't doing any good. It takes a long time. It takes effort. It takes doing something in real life outside of the safety of the Internet. You may never even see the benefit of it and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in it for you. 

But what's the alternative? Either we stop thinking that every man is an island and that our goal in life is to build up our own island bigger and grander than everyone else's, or we die by our own hands. Is it harder to love hard-to-love people or is it harder to sit back and watch as chaos creeps closer and closer, killing everything in its wake? 

I know writing about it doesn't help; not the way living out my own advice would. I know we don't need to be more aware. We are aware, and that's why our stagnancy is a problem. I am working to take my own advice. I'm trying to go out of my way to love people. And in the meantime, I will write, because writing is what I'm good at. Hopefully, in the future, I will get good at loving people, too. 


"Always hold firmly to the thought that each of us can do something to bring some portion of misery to an end." -Unknown

Living with Fear

I'm afraid of bees. I'm afraid of being lonely. I'm afraid of bats. I'm afraid of making a fool of myself. I'm (mildly) afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of failure. And more and more recently, I'm really afraid of the world I live in.

My whole life I've felt lucky to live in America, but recently I've found myself wishing I lived somewhere else. There's been so many scary things happening here. So many senseless acts of violence and crazy politics, and that's just in current events. And now we're in this crazy spiral where all we can talk about is the horror happening all around us. I've actually seen people get angry because people post about lighter topics. And if it's a celebrity related lighter topic, well then, you clearly have no regard for anything.

Here's the thing though. I don't mind these other posts. I'm actually really grateful for these other posts. If I thought about all the bad things that have the potential to happen every time I step out my door, I never would. I would truly and honestly lock myself inside forever and only leave when it's absolutely necessary.

And who could blame me? It's not like anywhere is safe anymore. Schools aren't safe, movie theaters aren't safe, churches aren't safe, public gatherings aren't safe. And I'm not even just talking about active shooter situations. The possibilities are endless. I've never had a panic attack before, but I feel like I could just thinking about all the horrible things that could potentially happen. I can't live like that and, besides that, I don't particularly want to.

So yes, I'm grateful for all the lighter things being posted on social media. Without them, I'd have given up Facebook months ago. I shouldn't have to feel bad about that.

That's not really what I'm here to talk about, though. What I'm here to talk about is what to do with all this fear. How do I deal with this in a way that I'm not living my entire life scared? All that stuff about having nothing to fear because the Lord is with me: what do I do with that? It's extremely hard for me to not be scared, but I know I can't live my life like that if I want to truly be able to say that I trust God.

I have no answers. I just have a lot of questions. I'm not even really looking for quick answers, because I don't think they exist. I just want to pose these questions. How do I vote in this election in a way that's not out of fear? How do I balance regard for personal safety without crossing into paranoia?  How should we deal with fear? When do we need to leave fear behind and lean on God?  I don't want to be scared. I want to help make the world a place where I don't have to be so scared, but that's not going to eliminate every frightening variable. I feel like Junior the Asparagus: Where's God when I'm Scared??

I guess that's all for now. Sorry for the super depressing post to break my recent radio silence. As an apology, here is a really funny cat video.

-Lisa

What to Do When it Doesn't Feel Like Christmas

It's never hit me as hard as it has this year. It's been happening slowly for the past couple of years, which I think it just a symptom of growing up. I fought really hard not to lose it, but Christmas just doesn't seem like Christmas recently. This year it's been even worse and I think this is for a few reasons. One, because it's been so blasted warm. Seriously, get it together Cincinnati, this is December. It should be 35 degrees and overcast, not 70 degrees and breezy. There are birds chirping in the trees. It's ungodly. But anyway, I digress. Second, I think that usually I start getting Christmasy the second it hits midnight the day after Thanksgiving. We all know that after thanksgiving is over it's time for Christmas. The problem is that the past couple years, instead of getting Christmasy, I've had to ignore everything else and buckle down for finals. Thirdly, I know how money works now. That makes everything less fun.

Usually I gradually start feeling more Christmasy; when we put up the tree, when I start listening to Christmas music, when I start wrapping presents. Even last year things at school helped. The Johnson Christmas party, Johnson boys caroling in our courtyard, class Christmas parties. But even that didn't work this year.

So what is it? Why am I suddenly lacking the fuzzy-warm-inside-Christmas-cheer feeling I'm so fond of? This is the time of year I live for; when everyone is happy and feeling generous and kind. This is the time of year when people suddenly remember the things they forgot all year long like how to value their family, how to be kind to others, how to be generous. I want this holiday. I need the time of relaxation and happiness with my family before I go back to the craziness of school. And I hate New Years so that's not going to cut it..

I think Christmas peaks when you're about seven or eight. Maybe you still believe in Santa, you get really great presents, everything still has this magical sheen surrounding it, your parents still pay for the presents you get for everyone, and you're old enough to remember it all. Then you get older, and gradually your traditions change. This is especially true for me this year, and I think this is where the lack-of-Christmas-spirit is stemming from.

My whole life we've done the same thing on Christmas. We go to the same Christmas Eve service, we go to the same Christmas party, I've read the same children Christmas books for as long as I can remember (even though I've far outgrown them), we have the exact same Christmas-morning tradition. And call me Tevye, because darn if I don't love traditions.  But this year it's different. Since my siblings are all old (relative to me) and married, we have to switch things up a bit. We're not having our Christmas until January. And I know it's not all about the presents, but the time when we open presents is a time I cherish every year. Changing it up just doesn't feel right.

I don't really know what to do about this whole situation. I know that Christmas isn't the most important thing in the world, but to me it is pretty important. I know that the real reason is about Jesus, but I want my family traditions too. Even writing this post I still don't know what to do, so I guess the title is a little deceiving because I don't have any answers.

What I realized in church last week, however, is that it doesn't matter. As much as I hate it, it doesn't matter that it doesn't feel like Christmas. Like it or not, my life isn't always going to be as peachy-keen perfect as it has been in the past. Christmas may not always be the magical time I remember it being as a child. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. I kind of hate the whole "Reason for the Season" type things, but what it's right in reminding us that matters is Jesus. The birth of Jesus is the second-most important thing to ever happen in history, right behind his resurrection. If I don't get my Santa and hot chocolate and carol-singing Christmas, I have to suck it up because that's the way the world works. But I think it is still important to stop and remember the importance of the birth of Jesus; to remind yourself how absolutely insane it is that God would make himself a human; that is the "Reason for the Season" (cringe as you feel led).

I'm still going to try to make it feel like Christmas. I'm not quite ready to give up the child-like wonder at the Christmas magic. Yet when I feel sad because it isn't the same or I don't have the Christmasy feeling, I can remember why we even have Christmas, and put it into perspective.

I don't know if any of you have felt the same way, or if this helps in any way, but I hope it did.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good attitude.
Lisa

No One Will Ever Know

I wrote this poem after I heard about the San Bernardino shooting, but it could honestly apply to whichever shooting you think of first. If you haven't watched the news lately, there have been a few. I know poems can't really fix anything, but I think they can help put things in perspective and point out the harshness of the truth.  This story is a complete work of fiction, but can be reflective of any number of real stories.

(Caution: while this is not unnecessarily graphic, it does not avoid reality.)

My life is over.

One twitch of a finger and I'm gone.

Galaxies of memories, experiences, feelings,

Gone before I could scream "Mercy."

My thoughts are precious,

My experiences are unique.

Now they are wasted, buried, splattered with my blood.

No one will ever know

How sad I was that I couldn't go home for Thanksgiving. 

How unhappy I was with my grades.

No one will ever know that I let them slip

Because I was too busy writing a novel.

My sister will never know that I was going to surprise her tomorrow. 

I will never get to tell my mom about my new boyfriend.

My boyfriend will never get to know if he loved me or not.

Because my blood is painted on the wall behind me;

A Jackson Pollock depiction of my death.

As you, a man I do not know

With galaxies of your own,

Hold a gun as if it isn't the Angel of Death

And I forgot to paint lamb's blood over my door today. 

You don't know my galaxies.

I don't know yours.

You never gave me the chance to learn. 

Instead, you introduced me to your gun.

It said hello and never left me with the time to say goodbye. 

9 millimeters isn't that big.

Certainly not as big as a galaxy.

9 millimeters is small,

Until it turns on you.

Then it is a black hole. 

I'm Overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed. 

I'm overwhelmed with things I need to be concerned about. One day it's the environment. The next it's a natural disaster. The next, poverty. The next, red Starbucks cups. There's so many things I need to have an opinion on; need to be doing something about. If I only post about Paris and not also Beirut and Lebanon, I am ignorant. I only care about western countries. I instead must be concerned about everything. I must make sure everyone else is also concerned. 

I need to be part of fixing the world, but I can't just pick one need to focus on. I cannot spend my life focusing on helping those in poverty. I need to help those in poverty AND stop global warming AND write letters to congress AND protect my rights. 

I cannot fix the world. You cannot fix the world. Facebook cannot fix the world. Indignation cannot fix the world. It's not going to happen. No matter how thin we spread ourselves trying to make everything better, it's never going to save the whole world. And in the meantime, we exhaust ourselves trying to be the saviors of the world. You wanna know why it's not working?

Because we already have a savior of the world. 

Jesus saved the world, remember? Have we forgotten that? 

"Take heart! I have overcome the world." Those are Jesus' words. I do not have to fix the world because that's not my job and I physically can't because I am human. 

Being compassionate is important. Whoever does not love their brother cannot love God. But there's nothing wrong with you if you have a hard time being concerned about certain issues. We have our strengths, and we will be most effective if we focus our efforts on what we are able to aid competently and knowledgeably. 

Don't get overwhelmed. Know that it's okay to focus your efforts on one need. And when the world seems hopeless, know that we have a savior who has overcome the world and, thank heavens, he's not subject to our human weaknesses. 

Lisa

A Study in My Own Strength (or Lack Thereof)

My past few months have been so full I don't even know where the time went. I laugh to my self about once a week when I remember how I thought I was busy last year. Throughout this semester I've noticed a pattern in things that have happened, and I think I'm beginning to get an idea of what God is trying to teach me.

Last year I got hired as the Vindicated Class's Sophomore Musical director, which this semester has meant a lot of stress. Basically everything that had the potential to go wrong has. Even things I thought couldn't possibly go wrong somehow managed to go wrong. It has felt like the whole world is working against me. One thing after another had me running down rabbit trails to fix a problem within a problem within a problem. And as September passed (the month when I was going to announce the play) and we got further into October (when we were going to hold auditions) I got more and more stressed about the time crunch since I only had two months left until the weekend the show was scheduled to run.

My breaking point was when I got the email that I had been denied the rights to the play I wanted, when I really did not have time to request a new one. If there's anything I've learned about theatre companies, it's that they don't work fast. I was in the music building when I got the email and I was honestly so overwhelmed and so stressed out that I locked myself in a practice room and cried for about forty-five minutes. I didn't know what I was going to do.

After I calmed down enough to think logically I requested a different version of the play and for the next two weeks I prayed that it would be accepted. I don't like to pray specifically for things to go my way; I don't really think that's what prayer is for. But I actually did sit down and say "God please let this request be accepted." I didn't know what other option there was.

Last Thursday I stopped into Don Mink's office to see if he had gotten any emails about the request. Instead, he offered me the limited time offer to change the dates to after spring break. I said yes practically within the millisecond. God didn't answer my prayer the way I asked him to, but he didn't leave me hanging. Immediately I almost physically felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.

As if this whole situation wasn't enough, about a week and a half ago I found out that four Asbury students were in a horrible car accident, three of whom I know. I got an odd assortment of information about it, since I wasn't on campus at the time, starting with "They were in an accident, but they're okay," followed by "Erin shattered a vertebra and Tommy's lung collapsed." Not exactly the kind of summary you want to hear.

Gradually, the situation became more clear and my understanding of "they're okay" became "they're alive." Both people in the other car died. By nothing short of a miracle from God, everyone in my friends' car lived. For a few days, everyone around me was stressed and upset about the whole situation and it was generally pretty tense. Even with all the uncertainty and apprehension about their condition, I found myself constantly thanking God that even if they weren't necessarily "okay," they're still here. Lives seem a lot more valuable when you realize how quickly they could be gone.

Between all that's been going on, the message I've been getting from God is very clearly that he is there. He is with me, he takes care of his people, his timing is better than ours, his plans are better than ours, and that I need to do what I can and then be content to wait on him and lean on his strength instead of my own.

And while I can see and appreciate the growth I am going through, I also hope my life calms down a little bit soon.

Learn to trust God,
Be grateful for what you have,
Lisa

Thoughts on a Wednesday

A couple weeks ago, someone spilled my tea on me in chapel and instead of apologizing, checked to make sure her stuff didn't get wet. Today I heard the same person complaining that multiple people bumped into her on the way to class and didn't apologize. And I began to wonder why it is so difficult for us humans to empathize with others, realizing that they are no different than we are? Why is it that I was mad at this person, who was mad at someone else, who was probably mad at someone else, instead of seeing human failures for what they are. It reminded me that maybe if we paid a little less attention to the small mistakes of others, realized the small mistakes we make ourselves, and began worrying about bigger problems, the world would become a slightly more pleasant place to live in.

Happy Wednesday.