A Study in My Own Strength (or Lack Thereof)

My past few months have been so full I don't even know where the time went. I laugh to my self about once a week when I remember how I thought I was busy last year. Throughout this semester I've noticed a pattern in things that have happened, and I think I'm beginning to get an idea of what God is trying to teach me.

Last year I got hired as the Vindicated Class's Sophomore Musical director, which this semester has meant a lot of stress. Basically everything that had the potential to go wrong has. Even things I thought couldn't possibly go wrong somehow managed to go wrong. It has felt like the whole world is working against me. One thing after another had me running down rabbit trails to fix a problem within a problem within a problem. And as September passed (the month when I was going to announce the play) and we got further into October (when we were going to hold auditions) I got more and more stressed about the time crunch since I only had two months left until the weekend the show was scheduled to run.

My breaking point was when I got the email that I had been denied the rights to the play I wanted, when I really did not have time to request a new one. If there's anything I've learned about theatre companies, it's that they don't work fast. I was in the music building when I got the email and I was honestly so overwhelmed and so stressed out that I locked myself in a practice room and cried for about forty-five minutes. I didn't know what I was going to do.

After I calmed down enough to think logically I requested a different version of the play and for the next two weeks I prayed that it would be accepted. I don't like to pray specifically for things to go my way; I don't really think that's what prayer is for. But I actually did sit down and say "God please let this request be accepted." I didn't know what other option there was.

Last Thursday I stopped into Don Mink's office to see if he had gotten any emails about the request. Instead, he offered me the limited time offer to change the dates to after spring break. I said yes practically within the millisecond. God didn't answer my prayer the way I asked him to, but he didn't leave me hanging. Immediately I almost physically felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.

As if this whole situation wasn't enough, about a week and a half ago I found out that four Asbury students were in a horrible car accident, three of whom I know. I got an odd assortment of information about it, since I wasn't on campus at the time, starting with "They were in an accident, but they're okay," followed by "Erin shattered a vertebra and Tommy's lung collapsed." Not exactly the kind of summary you want to hear.

Gradually, the situation became more clear and my understanding of "they're okay" became "they're alive." Both people in the other car died. By nothing short of a miracle from God, everyone in my friends' car lived. For a few days, everyone around me was stressed and upset about the whole situation and it was generally pretty tense. Even with all the uncertainty and apprehension about their condition, I found myself constantly thanking God that even if they weren't necessarily "okay," they're still here. Lives seem a lot more valuable when you realize how quickly they could be gone.

Between all that's been going on, the message I've been getting from God is very clearly that he is there. He is with me, he takes care of his people, his timing is better than ours, his plans are better than ours, and that I need to do what I can and then be content to wait on him and lean on his strength instead of my own.

And while I can see and appreciate the growth I am going through, I also hope my life calms down a little bit soon.

Learn to trust God,
Be grateful for what you have,
Lisa