My past few months have been so full I don't even know where the time went. I laugh to my self about once a week when I remember how I thought I was busy last year. Throughout this semester I've noticed a pattern in things that have happened, and I think I'm beginning to get an idea of what God is trying to teach me.
Last year I got hired as the Vindicated Class's Sophomore Musical director, which this semester has meant a lot of stress. Basically everything that had the potential to go wrong has. Even things I thought couldn't possibly go wrong somehow managed to go wrong. It has felt like the whole world is working against me. One thing after another had me running down rabbit trails to fix a problem within a problem within a problem. And as September passed (the month when I was going to announce the play) and we got further into October (when we were going to hold auditions) I got more and more stressed about the time crunch since I only had two months left until the weekend the show was scheduled to run.
My breaking point was when I got the email that I had been denied the rights to the play I wanted, when I really did not have time to request a new one. If there's anything I've learned about theatre companies, it's that they don't work fast. I was in the music building when I got the email and I was honestly so overwhelmed and so stressed out that I locked myself in a practice room and cried for about forty-five minutes. I didn't know what I was going to do.
After I calmed down enough to think logically I requested a different version of the play and for the next two weeks I prayed that it would be accepted. I don't like to pray specifically for things to go my way; I don't really think that's what prayer is for. But I actually did sit down and say "God please let this request be accepted." I didn't know what other option there was.
Last Thursday I stopped into Don Mink's office to see if he had gotten any emails about the request. Instead, he offered me the limited time offer to change the dates to after spring break. I said yes practically within the millisecond. God didn't answer my prayer the way I asked him to, but he didn't leave me hanging. Immediately I almost physically felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.
As if this whole situation wasn't enough, about a week and a half ago I found out that four Asbury students were in a horrible car accident, three of whom I know. I got an odd assortment of information about it, since I wasn't on campus at the time, starting with "They were in an accident, but they're okay," followed by "Erin shattered a vertebra and Tommy's lung collapsed." Not exactly the kind of summary you want to hear.
Gradually, the situation became more clear and my understanding of "they're okay" became "they're alive." Both people in the other car died. By nothing short of a miracle from God, everyone in my friends' car lived. For a few days, everyone around me was stressed and upset about the whole situation and it was generally pretty tense. Even with all the uncertainty and apprehension about their condition, I found myself constantly thanking God that even if they weren't necessarily "okay," they're still here. Lives seem a lot more valuable when you realize how quickly they could be gone.
Between all that's been going on, the message I've been getting from God is very clearly that he is there. He is with me, he takes care of his people, his timing is better than ours, his plans are better than ours, and that I need to do what I can and then be content to wait on him and lean on his strength instead of my own.
And while I can see and appreciate the growth I am going through, I also hope my life calms down a little bit soon.
Learn to trust God,
Be grateful for what you have,
Lisa
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Thoughts on a Wednesday
A couple weeks ago, someone spilled my tea on me in chapel and instead of apologizing, checked to make sure her stuff didn't get wet. Today I heard the same person complaining that multiple people bumped into her on the way to class and didn't apologize. And I began to wonder why it is so difficult for us humans to empathize with others, realizing that they are no different than we are? Why is it that I was mad at this person, who was mad at someone else, who was probably mad at someone else, instead of seeing human failures for what they are. It reminded me that maybe if we paid a little less attention to the small mistakes of others, realized the small mistakes we make ourselves, and began worrying about bigger problems, the world would become a slightly more pleasant place to live in.
Happy Wednesday.
Happy Wednesday.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
20 Things I've Learned In College
1. First impressions are often wrong.
2. You should probably finish your reading instead of binge-watching Arrested Development.
3. Conversely, if you've gotten your homework done, totally binge-watch. It's good for the soul.
4. Usually when the professor says "This isn't something you can do the night before," they're actually right.
5. A lot of the clichéd advice you get is really valuable. (i.e. "get involved!" "get sleep!" "don't date first semester!")
6. If you haven't found the kind of friend group you're looking for, keep trying and give it time. I didn't find them until second semester was almost over.
7. God wants to teach you things.
8. In order for God to teach you things, you have to spend time with Him. Which takes effort.
9. Biology
10. Having to switch your class schedule around isn't the end of the world.
11. Be careful with your money.
12. Getting good grades requires more effort than it did in high school.
13. Grades are important, but they aren't everything (they're not going to go on your resume).
14. Freshmen, get to know the upperclassmen. Upperclassmen (or anyone who's not a freshman), get to know the freshmen. Don't make fun of them and don't write them off.
15. Wax paper is not the same as parchment paper. And wax paper should not go in the oven.
16. Coffee is your friend. It wants to help you. Embrace it.
17. Always carry gum.
18. Don't be afraid to be afraid. The end of your comfort zone is the beginning of growth.
19. Be present. You miss a lot when you aren't.
20. Give charitable judgement.
2. You should probably finish your reading instead of binge-watching Arrested Development.
3. Conversely, if you've gotten your homework done, totally binge-watch. It's good for the soul.
4. Usually when the professor says "This isn't something you can do the night before," they're actually right.
5. A lot of the clichéd advice you get is really valuable. (i.e. "get involved!" "get sleep!" "don't date first semester!")
6. If you haven't found the kind of friend group you're looking for, keep trying and give it time. I didn't find them until second semester was almost over.
7. God wants to teach you things.
8. In order for God to teach you things, you have to spend time with Him. Which takes effort.
9. Biology
10. Having to switch your class schedule around isn't the end of the world.
11. Be careful with your money.
12. Getting good grades requires more effort than it did in high school.
13. Grades are important, but they aren't everything (they're not going to go on your resume).
14. Freshmen, get to know the upperclassmen. Upperclassmen (or anyone who's not a freshman), get to know the freshmen. Don't make fun of them and don't write them off.
15. Wax paper is not the same as parchment paper. And wax paper should not go in the oven.
16. Coffee is your friend. It wants to help you. Embrace it.
17. Always carry gum.
18. Don't be afraid to be afraid. The end of your comfort zone is the beginning of growth.
19. Be present. You miss a lot when you aren't.
20. Give charitable judgement.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
8.7.15 // 12:14 am // Something Resembling a Poem
I had plans for my night after TAG training ended.
I was going to shave my legs
And unpack my stuff
And, most important, watch Netflix.
Until a knock at my door,
And a "Hey, we're watching Zoboomafoo."
I could have stayed in my room.
I could have shaved my legs
And unpacked
And watched Netflix.
Or,
I could have watched Zoboomafoo for fifteen minutes
And ended up praying
And crying
And laughing
And laughing 'till I cried.
I could have been vulnerable
And trusted people with things
I don't usually tell.
I could have played games
And been loud
And stayed up way past my bedtime.
Sometimes it's good to remember
I can live with hairy legs for another day.
My room can wait for just one night.
Netflix will always be there for me later.
Even Zomoomafoo can wait.
Because tonight I had fellowship.
I had a band of girls who I trusted.
I had things I never dreamed God would provide me
But He did.
Because He knows my needs,
He hears my prayers,
And He doesn't allow man to be an island.
So sometimes, remember:
There are responsibilities you have to attend to,
But not tonight.
Give yourself a break,
Wait until tomorrow,
Thank God for what is in front of you
And cherish the moment while it lasts.
My night was not what I planned.
Waking up tomorrow will be hard.
But nothing,
Nothing,
Can take the happiness of this memory from me
And that is far greater
Than any chore.
I was going to shave my legs
And unpack my stuff
And, most important, watch Netflix.
Until a knock at my door,
And a "Hey, we're watching Zoboomafoo."
I could have stayed in my room.
I could have shaved my legs
And unpacked
And watched Netflix.
Or,
I could have watched Zoboomafoo for fifteen minutes
And ended up praying
And crying
And laughing
And laughing 'till I cried.
I could have been vulnerable
And trusted people with things
I don't usually tell.
I could have played games
And been loud
And stayed up way past my bedtime.
Sometimes it's good to remember
I can live with hairy legs for another day.
My room can wait for just one night.
Netflix will always be there for me later.
Even Zomoomafoo can wait.
Because tonight I had fellowship.
I had a band of girls who I trusted.
I had things I never dreamed God would provide me
But He did.
Because He knows my needs,
He hears my prayers,
And He doesn't allow man to be an island.
So sometimes, remember:
There are responsibilities you have to attend to,
But not tonight.
Give yourself a break,
Wait until tomorrow,
Thank God for what is in front of you
And cherish the moment while it lasts.
My night was not what I planned.
Waking up tomorrow will be hard.
But nothing,
Nothing,
Can take the happiness of this memory from me
And that is far greater
Than any chore.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Careful What You Pray For
I've spent the last week trying to come up with something to say about my week as a counselor at Emerge Junior High Camp. There's about a thousand different things that happened that I could talk about but there was one specific thing that hit me today that I really want to say.
The week was really hard, especially the first few days. I really didn't know very many people and I hadn't been to Woodland Lakes since I was in middle school, so naturally a few things have changed since then. We'd lost two family group leaders before camp even started and I therefore didn't know half of my team until the day before so it was hard to find a dynamic with no prior bonding time. I'd never led a discussion before, and suddenly there I was, in a position where I had to lead discussions. On top of all this, I was very unsure as soon as I met the campers. I didn't know how to handle them. I told my girls at the end of the week that I was really intimidated the first time I met them, and they all giggled and said "Really?!?" They couldn't believe it, but it was true.
The whole week I had to rely on God for my strength, which is something I'd never had to do; at least not that much. I was constantly asking God to use me through my weaknesses and mistakes. I felt like a failure at least half of the time. The most glaring failure as I saw it was on Wednesday night when we had interactive worship. Interactive worship was basically a collection of 6 different stations each relating to themes of the week. We traveled around as a family group to each station before heading to family time where we were given the opportunity to discuss it. It went fairly well through most of the stations, but I was started to get worn out by the end.
The very last station we went to was one of my favorite concepts. On display were assorted items made out of old broken junk. There was a chair made out of old suitcases and a lamp made of a broken clarinet, among other similar things. The point of the station was to realize that we are all broken, but God can turn us into something beautiful that can be used for his purpose. They also left piles of old things on the ground for kids to pick up a couple items and turn them into something new.
Since we were there last, the items were mostly picked over. I started telling the students about the station, but ended up mostly just reading off my paper and not asking questions to let them sort of figure out the point themselves, which I was kicking myself for. Every question I tried to ask got no response. And the whole thing really just fell completely flat. The station was set up so that two family groups could be there at once, so while all this was going on there was another family group next to us. In the awkward silence that was dragging on in our group, I could hear the other group having lots of conversation, reading bible verses and making good comments. There were literal crickets coming from our end (the station happened to be outside). I felt absolutely terrible, and led our group away from the station early.
When I was praying that God would use me through my mistakes, what I actually wanted him to do was make me stop having mistakes so everything would go smoothly and really get to the kids. I didn't realize this was what I wanted, but it was. My intentions were pure, but my methods weren't quite right. Here's the thing; if you pray that God will use you through your mistakes, that means there will be mistakes. That wasn't something that had occurred to me, and it was none too pleasant to find out.
God may have answered my prayer. I like to think he did. I've heard that a lot of times when God uses people, they may never even find out about it. I did have good moments with my campers. Seeing them pull out notes they had taken during the sermon was always rewarding for me, especially when they had questions. Every once in a while I saw one of them step out and do something brave, which was cool to watch. The whole week was not as catastrophic as Wednesday night felt, or I probably wouldn't be missing it so much right now.
I hope that God used me in ways I don't know about. I trust that he did. But what hit me most is that God's methods are not the same as my own. His are harder and often not what I expect. But I have to trust that ultimately, his work better.
Ironic that the very thing that brought this realization on was a lesson about God using brokenness.
Lisa
The week was really hard, especially the first few days. I really didn't know very many people and I hadn't been to Woodland Lakes since I was in middle school, so naturally a few things have changed since then. We'd lost two family group leaders before camp even started and I therefore didn't know half of my team until the day before so it was hard to find a dynamic with no prior bonding time. I'd never led a discussion before, and suddenly there I was, in a position where I had to lead discussions. On top of all this, I was very unsure as soon as I met the campers. I didn't know how to handle them. I told my girls at the end of the week that I was really intimidated the first time I met them, and they all giggled and said "Really?!?" They couldn't believe it, but it was true.
The whole week I had to rely on God for my strength, which is something I'd never had to do; at least not that much. I was constantly asking God to use me through my weaknesses and mistakes. I felt like a failure at least half of the time. The most glaring failure as I saw it was on Wednesday night when we had interactive worship. Interactive worship was basically a collection of 6 different stations each relating to themes of the week. We traveled around as a family group to each station before heading to family time where we were given the opportunity to discuss it. It went fairly well through most of the stations, but I was started to get worn out by the end.
The very last station we went to was one of my favorite concepts. On display were assorted items made out of old broken junk. There was a chair made out of old suitcases and a lamp made of a broken clarinet, among other similar things. The point of the station was to realize that we are all broken, but God can turn us into something beautiful that can be used for his purpose. They also left piles of old things on the ground for kids to pick up a couple items and turn them into something new.
Since we were there last, the items were mostly picked over. I started telling the students about the station, but ended up mostly just reading off my paper and not asking questions to let them sort of figure out the point themselves, which I was kicking myself for. Every question I tried to ask got no response. And the whole thing really just fell completely flat. The station was set up so that two family groups could be there at once, so while all this was going on there was another family group next to us. In the awkward silence that was dragging on in our group, I could hear the other group having lots of conversation, reading bible verses and making good comments. There were literal crickets coming from our end (the station happened to be outside). I felt absolutely terrible, and led our group away from the station early.
When I was praying that God would use me through my mistakes, what I actually wanted him to do was make me stop having mistakes so everything would go smoothly and really get to the kids. I didn't realize this was what I wanted, but it was. My intentions were pure, but my methods weren't quite right. Here's the thing; if you pray that God will use you through your mistakes, that means there will be mistakes. That wasn't something that had occurred to me, and it was none too pleasant to find out.
God may have answered my prayer. I like to think he did. I've heard that a lot of times when God uses people, they may never even find out about it. I did have good moments with my campers. Seeing them pull out notes they had taken during the sermon was always rewarding for me, especially when they had questions. Every once in a while I saw one of them step out and do something brave, which was cool to watch. The whole week was not as catastrophic as Wednesday night felt, or I probably wouldn't be missing it so much right now.
I hope that God used me in ways I don't know about. I trust that he did. But what hit me most is that God's methods are not the same as my own. His are harder and often not what I expect. But I have to trust that ultimately, his work better.
Ironic that the very thing that brought this realization on was a lesson about God using brokenness.
Lisa
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Insta-condemn
There's a recent image that's been trending around the internet lately and I'm sure you all know what it is, but for the purpose of this blog the exact topic doesn't even matter. I am sad and angry at reactions to controversial news in general, on both sides of the spectrum. It doesn't matter what the news is. Whether it's a true scandal or someone's honest human mistake, the world finds out about it almost immediately and they react just as quickly.
The Vanity Fair cover of Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner's new exterior surfaced less than 24 hours ago, and already there are three different trending news stories about it on Facebook. Countless articles and blogs have been written; some heavily positive, some heavily negative, very few bridging the gap between these two. The same happened when the controversy about the Duggars arose, or that thing with Miley Cyrus at the VMAs a few years ago. And, just like all the times before, once people expel how outraged they are (or express their support, as is happening in this case), they'll calm down, make a few tasteless memes about it, and then forget it.
However, before that happens people will put their opinions over any feelings of others in a supremely narcissistic urge to be heard and we therefore attempt to shout louder than anyone else, creating nothing more than a cacophony of voices in which none can clearly be heard. It's incredibly sad. We exploit the lives of celebrities because they are visible and seemingly untouchable and that makes them extremely easy targets for criticism. It makes it effortless to look around the log in our own eyes long enough to point and laugh at the speck in theirs.
I understand that by writing this post I am only perpetuating the exact thing I am protesting. I, too, have an opinion on the topic, and the world has taught me that I must speak it. Our opinions have become our religion. We work harder at explaining why things are wrong than working to right them. Even less do we realize that it is not our place to right others' wrongs. Another thing to point out is how little anyone can do to change anything in a situation on this large of a scale. A few thousand voices shouting a few thousand different things at once are not going to change the mind of a single person who does not know or respect any of us. The only thing it can possibly do is hurt them.
I am not going to tell you my opinion on Caitlyn Jenner today. That is not my purpose here. My purpose is to get us to think about the kind of image we are portraying, especially as Christians who are ambassadors of Christ on earth. Would we rather be known for our faith or for our opinions? Which one of those things is going to better represent Christ?
-Lisa
"We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother." - 1 John 4:19-21
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." - 1 Corinthians 13:1
The Vanity Fair cover of Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner's new exterior surfaced less than 24 hours ago, and already there are three different trending news stories about it on Facebook. Countless articles and blogs have been written; some heavily positive, some heavily negative, very few bridging the gap between these two. The same happened when the controversy about the Duggars arose, or that thing with Miley Cyrus at the VMAs a few years ago. And, just like all the times before, once people expel how outraged they are (or express their support, as is happening in this case), they'll calm down, make a few tasteless memes about it, and then forget it.
However, before that happens people will put their opinions over any feelings of others in a supremely narcissistic urge to be heard and we therefore attempt to shout louder than anyone else, creating nothing more than a cacophony of voices in which none can clearly be heard. It's incredibly sad. We exploit the lives of celebrities because they are visible and seemingly untouchable and that makes them extremely easy targets for criticism. It makes it effortless to look around the log in our own eyes long enough to point and laugh at the speck in theirs.
I understand that by writing this post I am only perpetuating the exact thing I am protesting. I, too, have an opinion on the topic, and the world has taught me that I must speak it. Our opinions have become our religion. We work harder at explaining why things are wrong than working to right them. Even less do we realize that it is not our place to right others' wrongs. Another thing to point out is how little anyone can do to change anything in a situation on this large of a scale. A few thousand voices shouting a few thousand different things at once are not going to change the mind of a single person who does not know or respect any of us. The only thing it can possibly do is hurt them.
I am not going to tell you my opinion on Caitlyn Jenner today. That is not my purpose here. My purpose is to get us to think about the kind of image we are portraying, especially as Christians who are ambassadors of Christ on earth. Would we rather be known for our faith or for our opinions? Which one of those things is going to better represent Christ?
-Lisa
"We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother." - 1 John 4:19-21
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." - 1 Corinthians 13:1
Saturday, May 9, 2015
A Year in Review
November-ish, 2013: While sitting in the kitchen doing homework, mom brought up the subject college (again) and I decided to attend Asbury University.
May 2014: I graduated high school.
August 12, 2014: I began New Student Orientation at Asbury.
May 7, 2015: I finished my last final of Freshman year and officially became a Sophomore.
This is the shortest possible overview of the last year or so of my life. It was probably the most change-filled year of my entire life and if you know me well, you'll know that change freaks me out. A lot. I don't even like it when my plans for the night change so moving away from home is a really big deal.
Last semester I tried to pretend I had it together. I was figuring things out, making friends, trying not to look as dumb as I felt. Toward the end of the semester, I even felt like I was sort of getting it together and starting to feel comfortable with my new place in life. I had friends, my grades were good, and I felt a little less homesick all the time like I did in late October-early November.
When Spring semester rolled around I had no idea how much harder things were going to become for a little while, and how much better that would eventually make my life. January was pretty rough. I was dealing with the consequences of mismanaging some of my funds, trying to figure out what made a friend a friend, and struggling to become my own person without worrying about what people thought of me.
But as I had no other choice, I sat through the awfulness of it all and I tried to let God's will influence my life. This semester I've seen more growth in my life than all of high school put together. I have made so many wonderful new friends, and learned so much about myself. I have learned what I want in a church body, and what I want in my friends, and what I want from myself. I have learned some of the ways I work best, and what I need to do to avoid procrastination, and I'm still working on how to not let Netflix auto-load the next episode when I should be studying.
I feel like the past nine months of being at school have been an entire lifetime, and yet also it seems like it's gone by way too fast. And next year I have so many things to look forward to that are exciting and terrifying, like being a TAG leader and directing Sophomore Musical and not being the new kid on the block anymore.
So that's my sappy overview of my first year of college. Basically I'm just really really excited I get three more years there.
Lisa
So that's my sappy overview of my first year of college. Basically I'm just really really excited I get three more years there.
Lisa
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