I Don't Know if I'm Ready for This

Confession time

I am utterly terrified of going to college. I get scared that I'm not going to like it or I'm going to spend four years there and still not know what I want to do or I'm going to lose touch with things that are happening back home. I'm so petrified of losing the friends I've gained the past 18 years of my life that I've spent living in the same place. I'm scared that my senioritis isn't going to wear off and I'm going to be just as bad about procrastinating as I am now. I'm afraid of leaving the church that I've just recently found myself fitting into and really loving. 

But I'm so so so excited about going, too. I'm excited to be in a new place and meet new people and be independent. I'm excited to be in a place where my friends all live two minutes from me instead of an hour. I'm excited to start learning stuff that actually seems relevant to what I want to get a job doing. I'm excited to be somewhere so different from what I've known my entire life. 

These emotions tend to fluctuate within me, sometimes within the same day. Sometimes even within the same hour. It's this weird combination of emotions that I don't exactly know how to handle. I keep reminding myself that God's going to be there with me and that he has everything under control, but I can't see it happening and it's hard to persuade myself into believing it. 

I'm hoping all of this will get better when I actually get to school, but something tells me that's not going to be immediate. Change is pretty terrifying to me and I have had more of it recently than I've had in my entire life. I suppose it's time I start embracing it instead of fearing it, but that's pretty difficult to do. I'm working on it, but I'm not quite there yet. 

I'm sure I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

Lisa