I love my major. I just finished my first project where I got to shoot and edit my own footage, and let me tell you, wow. I loved it. It was frustrating and kinda stressful and didn't quite come out the way I wanted it to, but I learned a lot and hopefully my next one will be better. It just felt so great to make this thing and come out on the other side saying I did all of that myself. I'm pretty proud of it even if there's things I need to work on. I want no confusion, come to the end of this post, about how I feel. I really love what I'm doing.
And now, a word about my program. "Media communication" is a very broad term that encompasses a large variety of endeavors. Within the major are a whole slew of emphases; audio production, multimedia, journalism, film, etc. My emphasis is Production, which isn't incredibly descriptive, but basically I get to learn lots of different things like live television production, film production, and graphic design. The list goes on and is variable even within the emphasis. All of these emphases are taught well and thoroughly and the student comes out on the other side of graduation with both head knowledge and practical knowledge about their chosen emphasis. I am very happy with the program I chose.
Now comes the "however." I love my school, and I love my program. However, I have felt an increasing pervasiveness in the department of the idea that the film emphasis is the most superior. I don't know if I have become more aware of this as I have been here longer, or if it is a growing phenomenon. Or, I guess a possibility is that this is all in my head and I should stop worrying about it and go study for a test or something. I don't think it is all in my head, though.
It seems like all of my media com friends want to do something with film, and they're really good at it. It's actually super cool and I love that we have such quality filmmakers here. With so many people interested in this, there are a lot of cool opportunities available like an internship in Los Angeles, and a class that takes a trip to the Sundance film festival. We even have our own film festival where students are encouraged to submit their short films.
Here's the thing: I don't want to go into film. I have no desire to move to LA or New York or Atlanta. Even just going to LA for a visit is kind of a "take-it-or-leave" it thing for me. I'm not against the idea of working on films, I'd actually love to try, but what I really want to do is promotional videos for a company, preferably a non-profit. That shouldn't make my studies any less valid. So why does it feel like it does?
I feel almost ostracized because film isn't my number one goal; because I probably won't take Film Aesthetics or Intro to Directing or Producing. Maybe I will, who knows, but it's not an absolute necessity for me. I'm in the minority because I'm not going to go to LA or bend over backwards to get on every film set that comes my way. For whatever reason, there's so much pressure in this department to be a film person. I feel like I don't fit in sometimes.
This has been starting to bug me recently. There shouldn't be one emphasis that's more valued than the others. I know that it's almost inevitable for one emphasis to have more people in it than others, which means there may be more opportunities offered for it, but that doesn't mean by default the other emphases get less valued. And yet I feel pressured. I feel pressured to take more film classes and take advantage of more freelance opportunities. I often get overwhelmed by the feeling that I'm not doing enough, or I'm not getting involved in the right things.
I don't think this is something that should go unsaid. And I don't think it's a a problem stemming from the students or faculty intentionally. I think it is a side effect of a great passion for film. Passion for film is a wonderful thing. Movies are super great. Film theory is completely fascinating. But it's not my whole life and that's not a problem. I don't want to feel like it is a problem. And if it turns out that it isn't just me who feels this way, that means that something has to change.
-Lisa
